Sunday, August 24, 2008

Biden: The Safe Choice

So now that Sen. Barack Obama has picked fellow Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) as his VP what?

Biden is not exactly the embodiment of change. He will celebrate his 36th year as a Senator next January. Other than foreign policy and judiciary committee expertise, Biden is known for oopsies and and Barkleyism (no filter between thought and speech). Besides his 1988 plagiarism issues (Neil Kinnock, anyone?), he mentioned Obama as "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy..." Joe didn't hesitate to voice his opinions of Republican candidates, either. On Rudy Giuliani: "There's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, and a verb and 9/11."

But picking an establishment man only goes so far to address criticisms that Obama doesn't know his way around foreign policy or Washington. It nullifies the notion from the primaries that Obama truly wants change. Biden obviously wasn't picked for Delaware's meager electoral vote prize, either. On the plus side, Obama didn't pick Hillary Clinton. Starting off with a candidate who has 40% - 50% negative national approval ratings wouldn't help. Nor would picking Evan Bayh or the female governor from Kansas whose name spells out libel and a few other letters.

So overall - Biden is a safe, white male who will essentially be Obama's Bob Dole: a hatchet man with experience.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obama and Biden stroll into a red and yellow establishment. The yellow “M” caught Bidens eye from a distance. It reminded him of days that he never had, but often daydreamed about. As they enter, they both gaze uneasily at the floors, tables, huge clown in the corner of the restaurant, and then finally the menu. Obama shifts uneasily from his left to right foot and back again, and then finally says, “I don’t know about this place. They have their menu hanging from a wall.” Biden, still not sure what to think, finally responds, “This place is great, it is ADA approved, with huge letters for the blind to see, and simple numbered, pictured items for the illiterate” He looks around intently to find out how to order, and seems to see some sort of line system taking place. He takes a position at the front of the line but the cashier politely explains that there is a line. For the moment Biden looks puzzled and then orders his food. “So I am getting something called a B-i-g M-a-c”, Biden slowly enunciates the word, “I guess here, at m-c-d-o-n-a-l-d-s “ , slowing pronouncing this word, monitoring each syllable and consonant, “it is referred to as the number 1. Do you want one?” Obama took a second, “No, there is just one number one, and it isn’t wedged between 3 roles with a secret dressing” Biden took his food to a booth, where he took a bite. “Wow, this b-i-g m-a-c is good. Maybe we should start calling you number two.” Obama took a glance into his teleprompter, “No, I don’t like that idea”. “Jesus”, Biden retorted, “Do you have to go everywhere with that thing. I call you clean and articulate but you carry that prompter around with you like a cold. ” Obama is silent for a second and then looks over at the prompter, “No”, he responds, “ I need it”. There is a lull in there conversation as, much to his surprise, Biden enjoys his food - until he remembers that he was once a blue collar worker and that he must have had this b-i-g m-a-c before. Obama sits somewhat impatiently, until he looks down and discovers that he can practice his Spanish on this delightful little paper placement that someone placed before him. He thanks himself for the enjoyment that he is about to receive, and quickly begins writing some simple phrases that he is working on. “What is it that you are doing” Biden asks. Obama quickly glances at his prompter, hoping that Biden doesn’t see, “practicing my Spanish” he says quietly. “Don’t think that I didn’t see that”, says Biden with a smirk. “And how it is going. I have a pretty high IQ and I had a hard time learning that language. Did you know that I started Spanish club in college – I majored in it, you know” Obama roles his eyes, and keeps focus on the jottings below him. el obama es grande, el obama es la esperanza, el obama es el que, he smiles, and then quickly pens, Obama es un super ejemplar anormal, super ejemplar anormal, super raro, sí. . Biden notices that Obama is finished and carefully turns the placement over to see what Obama wrote. “What does El Obama, mean? He asks. “It is my name”, Obama responds. “Your practicing writing your own name is Spanish? My god that is tacky. Those lofty speeches are finally getting to you “, Biden says. “You are not some kind of god, messiah, or profit as others might think you are, and as you seem to see yourself.” Obama doesn’t say anything for a moment, then he closes his eyes, wiggles his nose, and to his dismay, Biden is still there, and Hillary isn’t. As Biden finishes eating his food, Obama turns to look up and out of the window. In the blue sky, he can see the three images of Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn. “Not yet, “he said, “Not yet” (Que the music for Return of the Jedi.)

- Jer

September 21, 2008 12:29 AM  

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